There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness
but of power.
They speak more eloquently than
ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of
overwhelming grief,
of deep contrition,
and of unspeakable love.
-Washington Irving

  

If you are visiting this section, it is likely that you recently experienced a loss. We know this is a difficult time for you, and we hope the information you find here will help you to work through your experience.
Author, Carol Luebering, says “Although it is accompanied by intense emotions, grief itself is not a feeling.  It is a process, a slow journey toward acceptance and peace."  You, or a loved one, have begun this journey, and it may feel like you’ve lost track of your life, of your direction. 
One of the most important things to know is that you don’t travel alone, there are others who walk with you; many who are taking a very similar path.  It isn’t a trip you would have chosen to make, but your life is waiting for you at the end of it, and resisting the movement will only make finding that life more difficult. The journey is one of change, adjustment, and acceptance.
If you are grieving it is important for you to have contact with people who will support you.  Some important things to do to help yourself are:

  • Allow yourself to feel sad and to express that sadness.
  • If you feel anger, feel free to express that anger in appropriate ways.
  • Rest as much as you can, even if you can’t sleep, just rest, grief is exhausting.
  • Try to eat nutritious foods and drink plenty of water.
  •  Give yourself credit for every small thing you accomplish in a day.
  • Consider counseling with a licensed therapist.
  • Consider joining a grief support group.

I Never Know What to Say

Helping a Friend or Loved One Who Is Grieving.

Grief is a challenging journey that continues long after the death of a significant person. It is a journey made easier with compassion and support along the way. Yet, it can be very difficult to find the right words, or to know how to help those who are grieving. Below are some ideas. 

Listen X10, keep in mind you don’t have to fix the problem, you can’t. You may hear same story over and over. You have been given two ears, one mouth for a reason. Listen!

Allow tears-tears help us heal, the amount of manganese in our body affects our moods and the body stores 30-times as much manganese in our tears as it does in our blood serum.Allowing the tears to flow, washes the body of too much manganese. Don’t give a kleenex-give a whole box of kleenex.

Talk about memories that you have of the person who died. Or ask the grieving person to share some. Don’t avoid saying the person’s name. The family needs to hear it.

Remember special days or the anniversary of the death, you can be sure the grieving person is and they will be glad to know someone else remembered also.

Lighten their load temporarily, if possible, give them your lunch hour, do some of their work, or household chores. Traditionally neighbors helped families with their daily chores for as much as a year after a death in the family.

Laugh with them sometimes, in good taste. Laughing is very healthy.

Keep in touch, just because your life has returned to normal after one month does not mean theirs has, they are trying to develop a whole new normal. This will take a long time, longer than you think. The former is no more.

Encourage exercise and good nutrition. This will help them sleep, and help stages like depression to be more tolerable.

Try not to use cliché’s at any time, passed away, gone before us, kicked the bucket, went to sleep. This helps them deal with the reality of the situation.

 

We each grieve in our own individual way. How we handle the loss of a loved one depends on our personal backgrounds, and even on how the person died. But there are some common threads that run through all kinds of grief. Understanding these basic elements will help you understand that you are not alone in how you feel.

For more information please visit NFDA

Portage, WI Poynette, WI

Grief Support
For information please call 608 742-2126 (Portage, WI) or 608 635-2763 (Poynette, WI)